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When they call her Beth


November 4th 2002

When they called her ďBethĒ (Elizabeth Shelton) it didnít sit well with me someplace deep inside. So deep, in fact i didnít believe the feelings. I refused to call her that name. I thought i was being silly, just wanting to say ďElizaĒ or, Elizabeth. They had said her name, yet, someplace my mind had forgotten...

This is my story...

Before which I had seen Sherry. She said, ďthank you for calling Att wireless, have a nice day.Ē
They were selling a car, next to mine, to a blond/brunette girl from Convergeys. I was kinda (per)terbed because i fully intended to flirt, but, like she was busy buying that car, so i met her eyes, waved bye and left. *Charles, get her name dummy.*
As i was leaving, i heard someone say (to her) this is an opportunity to .. Have you ever been saved, she answered, ďwell, i used to believe in confession then....Ē I balked at what the blond girl had said. She was going to do the ďi used to be catholic, and they did weird things, then, i found Christ routine. All that, just to get them to stop bothering her, just to fit in.....I would NEVER do that. Even if i thought priests were nuts, downing one religion to prove your saved is bad karma. Iíve always taken something of suspicion about my salvation. But, itís better to be hindu and saved than catholic and deny being it just to fit in. Screw those people, i know Iíve probably lost ground with lots of people who should know better because of pre-justice (and uncertainty) against Catholics. But, i digress, and Iím sounding like a racial minority LoL. Racial minories are bad things, they suck LoL. Oh, please, this is my story, itís for me so fuck your predispositions, itís called OMFG, itís my story and my life and my feelings. OMFG.

I let myself cuss, cause i was really mad. Nobody gives my sense of humor a real chance. Canít even get the words out and the censors appear::P. I wonder if itís even safe saved on this computer? Like the government, or aliens, or other gods which control the world will think itís not stuff suppose to be known.

It was 12:36 Midnight.
The sky was as bright as 4 pm as i drove down the road to the left of APSU. I had just seen Elizabeth Shelton that day. S0metime that day, i had left my shoes in the Dunn center track. I was running and put them down.

I had been running after eating.

I has said to Mr. Perkins, ďIím sorry about that. I didnít know it was yours. I didnít think about it. I had begun eating his sausage, egg, and cheese biscut sitting on the bench from 20 minutes earlier. Then, I said i had forgotten to count him. Noting, Jamie, Georgie, Scotty, and Mary. I thought that this was extra food.

Mr. Perkins said, ď ... *something about how i should not eat his food in the future, will youĒ
And i said ďoh, is that how one responds to that question, ďit will not BE eating something which is yoursĒ
and he got angry, as expected. Bottom line, i said a great clean cutting insulting phrase or two. With proper English. I basically reminded him he didnít have the authority he was trying to have by controling my speech.

Young Georgie has began eating his chicken biscuit. I was dismayed and getting hungry honestly.

Then, i said, ď Ē. Then said to myself as i left, ďThat was good Charles, that was art right there. Even in my dreams, i wonder if insulting and being truly mean have a central place in my personal makeup. That bothered me and seemed to identify me personnaly at the same time.

Well, I was driving my car in the middle of the day/night, it was 12:36 AM, the sun shining. I felt this was reallllly strange. Really strange. Realllllllly strange. But, i needed to find my shoes, and i welcomed the light.

I said to myself, Iíll see BETH Tuesday in class.

I got near the Dunn Center, which was completely dark. The sky had gotten night suddenly. Which it SHOULD have done much much sooner. I had come after it had closed. I considered why i should care about some pair of 2-3 year old white high-top tennis (basketball) shoes.

But, i had talked to BETH that day....And, (married thou she may be in Real life, my sub-conscious slipped the fact past my suspension-of-disbelief and conviently...) It was like, i had seen her, and said something nice to her, and, was going to have the chance to see her again, which would be really neat.

Thesis of the Dream == ďALL Charlesí dreams have meanings, like fables

#1 Jamie was NOT in the dream directly, however, implied as one ďcountedĒ in the family scene. I think my mind was avoiding creating her for any ďsceneĒ because, well, in real life sheís just gotten so mean. I wouldnít believe sheíd just walk up and say hi. My mind would have have a cunvulsion of disbelief, (which would have awakened me. Iím not kidding, Jamie has been nice to me in a dream before and smiled, and i got so mad at my ďdream-writersĒ i woke up seething mad-there and then, in the middle of the night, in REM sleep. I need my dreams to be truthful to a point. My dreams are NEVER fantasies of things impossible i want to happen, they are possibilities of things i wish might happen, often, and sometimes nonsense.. I noticed missing her too however. It was like, someone wasnít being counted. And, well, in Real life, Iím still missing her as well.

#2 Beth Shelton. Itís when i called her Beth in the dream.. Itís when i saw her face. She was Xtraordiarilly cute, as girls get more nd more as you get to know them. Well, we spoke for about 30 seconds during the dream (pause 30 seconds, since, we really did actually say things i forget now)...and thatís a lot of talking for Charles. :P...Like so many (girls (rofl)) in dreams i was missing beth the moment she left also. I miss her, because, she, like Jamie, is irreplaceable.

My writing skills arenít capturing my feelings for this girl. Mmm, saying i like her doensít proove i like her. It seems like Iím trying to just say i like her. But, i MEAN to say, i KNOW the real BETH and i LIKE her, and i Know thereís things about that girl thatís really neat. I donít know charles, your writing sux (advanced english huh ROFL). The only way i can proove i like her is to deliver her this letter, then, sheíll know that this deep, dreaming memory isnít just my imagination.

3# Alcohol
Well, in a Madrid hotel, sitting on the floor, Beth spoke about how she liked to drink alcohol. My feelings at that time were that alcolol was bad, and it really took away from the very pretty girl i was looking upon. And it was just inherantly bad for anyone like-a-ble to drink cause it took away from their ability to be themselves. It pre-occupies life. And i like Beth a lot. Like, present tense.
Well, at the end of my dream, there was a frat party. LOTS of girls and guys and i mean about 120 people sitting, dansing, drinking, and about 4-5 making out. Charles presses his breaks. And is surprised to find 2 open parkins spots right in front of the house. Full parking, like, no cars. Like painted lines, full spots. The only reason i didnít park there was because Iíd be seen. I didnít want people at the party to see me coming. Additionally, i didnít want my lifeís camera to see me parking in front of one of those kind of parties. I tried to find a spot a little far off where Iíd walk up.
In REAL Life, when i visit the LIGHTHOUSE nightclub i do the SAME thing. And i do it without knowing why, obeying a sub-sub-conscious psychological impulse. There is something forbidden about parking near the entrance of the Lighthouse. I donít ever do it. I park at the FAR Side-Right of the chineese restararunt and walk across 2 parking lots to get to the door. I tell myself itís so i can leave at any time and not get trapped in with other cars. But, thatís not the truth. The truth is i donít want to be seen at an alcohol club. Or place where lots of sex sometimes happens (not there, but, one would presume, afterwards.)

Charles fears alcohol and sex. Itís deep. Itís for his own personal reasons. He thinks, essentially, knowing a girl as wonderful as beth could never happen if he was seeped in mortal sins, or, a drinker, or, a womanizer. True happeness for charles is simply this. Sitting on the floor, in a hotel, in Madrid, talking to that girl. Nothing else compares really. Nothing else should ever stand in the way of that possibility. Knowing nice people like Beth really shaped my morality for my entire life. It taught me what true beauty was. You know how they say drugs gives you a false sense of happiness. Well, itís mimmicking the true happiness in simplicity. Knowing someone is the kewlest thing ever. Ever!, period. Point of my life, till i find something better.

Love ya charles, your friend Clappadus.

P.S. I saw this blond ďcheerleaderĒ in the back of a truck who smiled at me. Cheerleaders who smile from the seat of a truck always send charles mixed messages. Yes, i see you, yes i have a boy-friend, and i fuck him cause Iím spending time driving around in a pickup on a Friday night.

Pss This is my story is from Final Fantasy X, when the protagonist (i named him Charles) says ďThis is my story.Ē The characters in that story feel their choices and destinies are pre=ordained (like most destinies, defentiion of destinies) anyways, they beat destiny and i beat that game :)).

Dude says thereís an altenate ending to that game. But itís the same dude which says you can res aeris (from ff7). Tommy, my brother, says NO. You canít. Heís scouted websites which go into details on pages....NO you canít res aeris, not on the JAPENEESE version, nothing, not with a flower, no you canít. Stop writing me stupid e-mails. Lol.

Anything else you can remember Charles (about the dream)?
--Mmm,....thanks for writing that for me.
*Invisible, youíre welcome, i donít ALWAYS do you favors, Iím sorry.
ĖYou do a pretty good job, thx.

*Charles loses himself back in his world of self discussion, dreams of sleep and SxMb clowd his mind... drifting, drifting.....eyes close slower.... LoL.

Good night dear,
---night. Is this the end?
Maybe, i might think of something, but, itís like the chance i might think of a 200 page novel. It doesnít seem to happen unless youíre trying at some level or another.
---Ya, Iím done trying, good night, but if you remember tell me ok?



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